I have something to tell you.

Actually, no. No, I do not.

It's kind of a secret. The thing is-

-That I actually have nothing to say!

No, that's not it.

Really, I have nothing to say to you. Stop reading this and go away.

(No. Stop it.) You see, dear reader, the thing that I've been trying to tell you---

La La! Just kidding. I have nothing to tell you. (Go away.)

(You go away.) The thing is that sometimes I imagine that there are two of me....

Pay no attention. I'm just making this up. Ha ha--- how silly. It must have been a dream I had last night.

...Sometimes we argue about things...

(You never listen to reason.)

I'm the nice one. And there is more I could tell you! (I feel like talking today.)

(Stop. Now.) But I think you all have heard enough today.

But perhaps it would be better if I left the rest for a time when we could be alone.

(Wouldn't that be nice?)

Yes. Yes, it would.